Ghost Hunt and FRIGHT

I've been watching different ghost hunting/paranormal investigation shows for a little over a year now, and I absolutely love them. A lot of shows I have some problems with because I feel like a lot of the stuff they do are extremely faked by the crew and cast of the show. However, most of the time I am absolutely enthralled by the events that take place on these show. No matter how much I enjoy these shows I always had a little doubt that the stuff that happened on them aren't real. So when I got an email about a real, professional ghost hunter coming to Moravian College for a ghost hunt, I jumped at the opportunity.

Friday October 22nd, Ross Allison of Advanced Ghost Hunting Of Seattle-Tacoma (AGHOST) www.aghost.org came to Moravian College to talk about the art and psychology of paranormal investigation and to lead an actual ghost hunt with willing students at haunted sites throughout the college. The program started a little after 8, there were some technical difficulties so it got started a little late, and Mr. Allison began with a powerpoint. In this presentation he discussed how he got into the field, what type of work it entails, how to get into it, what to use, and things he has done with it. He also included evidence he and his team had collected from previous investigations, and I can even describe how creepy most of the clips were, both visual and audio.

At about 9:30 he finished his powerpoint and announced that we were gonna go out and do some investigating. He gathered up a team of 12 from the approximately 35 students who were participating to handle his equipment in pairs. I was on the team and handled one of the two thermometers. There were also 2 EMF detectors, specter wands and something else that I don't remember. We were originally going to go to a couple haunted buildings here on the north campus but they get locked up at night and campus security didn't know about the ghost hunt and wasn't allowed to open them for us. So we walked down to south campus to go in a said to be haunted dorm house/academic building.

It was the Brethren's House. This place used to be a civil war medical hospital in certain areas before it got taken over by the college. We started in the one main hallway with all the lights off. Nothing much happened at first but during the time Ross Allison took a picture that caught an orb on camera and I had some big temperature fluctuations at time. (76 F - 70 F). Then we moved over into a music practice room that used to be a hospital room and did an EVP session and there was a big EMF spike. Then we went upstairs to the 3rd floor music department hallway and Ross claimed to hear women whispering next to him (I didn't hear them and I was close) someone claimed to hear shuffling down the hallway, there were some temperature and EMF spikes and someone caught an EVP on their cell phone recorder. It was a very distinct female voice saying "Hello?" We went to two more rooms throughout the night but not much more happened after that.

I was blown away by this experience. It really got me more into it than I had ever been just watching the shows. It made me decide that I want to pursue this at least as a hobby. I'm gonna collect all the equipment I need to start at a beginner level for Christmas and read up on the science and workings of how to do things right. My best friend, Colleen, is going to join me and I'm gonna see if I can get some more people with me to form a team. Have a few places already in mind for easy availability to start things off to do some investigating. I already have a name picked out for our future group. FRIGHT: F(ph)antom Research, Investigation, & Ghost Hunting Team. I can't wait for this! I'm so pumped! I never thought of actually doing this stuff for myself. Thanks so much to Mr. Ross Allison for inspiring me!

Until next time, this is Lizzie

It never ever ever ever NEVER EVER ends

Ugh. Yesterday was so perfect. And today is so NOT. And I'm so sick of it.

Nothing is easy. Especially not this. It's not even just, 'we'll change your meds and you'll be fine' thing anymore. It's, "well, you'll have to come back to the hospital every so often for this one med, then we can put you on the other one, and we'll see how it goes.' (Well, actually the doc is still saying that, 'you'll be fine' bullshit but I didn't believe her when it first happened and I certainly don't believe her now.) Then, she tries to sugarcoat everything by saying the results of the biopsy were fine, nothing but those ulcers by my incision sight. Well, excuse me for thinking that those ulcers are more than enough for me to handle right now. In addition, now I have to go to CHOP for a certain time period, just because the insurance people are fighting with us?! I don't live in Philly, hell I don't even live in PA! It's gonna be a God damn 2 hour drive in, probably at least a half hour of waiting once I get there, get stuck with an IV and be pumped medicine in me for ?2 hours? (I heard talk of 2 hours when my mom was on the phone with the doc but am not exactly sure what it pertained to), and then another 2 hour drive back. And it has some crazy time schedule too. Something like once a week for the first 3 weeks, then every 2 for some odd amount of time, then after 2 months, then six months..............then the expensive drug.

I'm so damn tired of this shit. This give and take, push and pull, happy one day and crashing for the next week. This is not right. This shouldn't even be happening now, dammit!

Crap, this could have been thrown at someone 100x stronger than I am. Not that I wish this on anyone, no one on the face of the earth deserves this shit, but why me? I'm not Lance Armstrong, dammit. I'm not strong, I'm not brave, I couldn't handle it before, I can't handle it now, and I never will be able to handle it. I'm not an optimistic person. I'm not someone who can just say, 'oh everything will be fine, I can fight through this, it'll all work out in the end' no matter how much I wanna be. I try.........God dammit I REALLY try...............but every time I do start thinking like that something will happen to bring me back down, or my mind just doesn't let me keep that attitude long.

I've been living a gigantic lie for two years. Thinking that this would all just disappear except for a recheck every 6 months and actually trying to enjoy my life. No. This NEVER goes away. It is and will ALWAYS be there. There will always be something. Ugh.

Trileptal

Smash. Smash. Smash. Smash. Smash. Smash. Smash. Crash. Crash. Crash. Crash. Crash. Crash. Crash. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Boom. Booom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Pow. Pow. Pow. Pow. Pow. Pow. Pow. Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap. Crack. Crack. Crack. Crack. Crack. Crack. Crack. Splat. Splat. Splat. Splat. Splat. Splat. Splat.

We'll that certainly helped. *eye-roll*

Ramblings

Sitting here doing the same stuff I always do. In other words, a bunch of meaningless crap. It used to be a way that I could shut my mind up for a while, but not anymore. Hell, guitar used to be a way to shut my mind up too but that doesn't work anymore either. In fact, it stopped working before all these computer distractions did. I don't know what to do about guitar anymore. It's lasted all of 6 months so far, and I absolutely loved it at first, but now its not the same. Nothing's the same.

Everything has turned from, 'I'm gonna do this because I want to,' into 'I have to do this because its the only way I can get by without losing my fucking mind'. I think that's a lost cause though, I think I've already lost my mind. Even days when I have a blast all day with friends and/or family, I come home and crash. There's nothing holding me here anymore.

Even the things I thought I would always love and would never change, have.

1) Writing.
I've been a writer since 5th grade....well I was kinda sucky then but I mean I've loved it since then. That was 6 years ago.....been evolving in it, continuing with it, developing more ideas, and getting better at ever since. How could something you've been doing for 6 years, been passionate about for 6 years, has given your life meaning for 6 years, suddenly turn around and not mean anything? I'm not even sure why I continue writing. I guess it's because I've been told that I'm good at it and I have people who prod me about what I've written lately. I don't mind the prodding, it doesn't really affect me one way or another. It just kinda makes me write, but not sooner than I can make myself. I guess I enjoy it when I'm doing it.....but it's such a miniscule and short-lived high. Once I'm done with a passage of something I don't really even feel good about it. I just sorta feel like, 'that took longer than expected' or 'crap that was so much work'. It drains me, most of the time. The last thing I worte and really actually enjoyed every second of it was 'Jailhouse Rockers', which I wrote exactly 1 month ago. I've written 3 other passages to something else since then and I've basically just been 'eh' about them. 4 writings in a month....I used to do more than that. It's just not the same and it kills me.

2) Music
I've had a good number of music related obsessions. The first few didn't last really that long (Wicked, Moulin Rouge!, Legally Blonde...etc.). I still enjoy the tunes if I hear them, but I really haven't given them much thought since....last year. It's closing on exactly one year ago that I truly discovered Goo. I do like that, in about a week it'll be my one year Gooeyversary. I even bought myself a little Gooeyversary present, the Music in High Places Alaska DVD. It should be here right around my first Goo CDs' arrival. Well, anyway, that's a thrill but it's still just a tiny one. I remember how Goo made me feel when I first got LLI and SSCW (Well, I bought them at the same time but it's really just LLI that stuck with me at first. It took me a while to warm up to SSCW). I felt everything that was hiding inside of me. John's words touched my soul and they literally became my life for at least 6 months. Yeah, I mean my ENTIRE life. I didn't listen to anything else, I didn't buy anything unrelated to them, not one thought in my head didn't have some relation to them, all the dreams that stuck in my memory were about them (I've had 8 gooey dreams in total, the latest one just last night), I couldn't have a conversation with someone without turning the subject to them, and so on and so on. Well, I still like them and I still LOVE John but even they're different now. I really haven't listened to them in a long time. Waiting for their new album isn't even the same. I'm beginning to care less and less about it each day. Huh, I guess they were really just another distraction in my life and even they've lost their touch.
AVA too. I've only been a fan of them for like a month and a half but I was so hardcore when I first got into them. I've said before that I thought I enjoy them because they give me hope rather than make me face my past. Well, actually it really is a little of both. But now, that hope part has died. I've acknowledged it as false hope. I can't even sing anymore. I think about the lyrics and pick them apart and realize I'm never going to feel the way he does. There's nothing out there that I could create my life around that will truly make me happy. "It's all success if it's what you need/Do what you like and do it honestly" What do I need? What do I like? Apparently nothing anymore. AVA's playing in the background as I type but I'm not listening to it, not really. It fills my ears but I don't really process it, don't really FEEL it. It's just there to keep me from 'feeling the silence' becuase when I do that I go 'smash.'

Why do I even do this? It doesn't make me feel better, it doesn't get me anywhere. *sigh* I thought there was a solution on the horizon but I can't even have much faith in that anymore. This is all so deep, so profound, so suffocating, so daunting, what could possibly kill it from my mind? Everything that used to doesn't any longer. The first thing I tried to stop it hasn't worked. Why should anything else I attempt?

I don't know what to say anymore. I just DON'T KNOW. anything. Whatever. Oh well. I guess that's my release for today. Though I don't really see a point to it. *sigh*

Suffering...

I stayed up last night until 2AM crying my eyes out. Now today, I'm exhausted, mostly numb, and close to a breaking point. I just have one question I've been asking myself for a little while today...

What happens to you when you start to suffer in silecnce to spare everyone else?

Musical Philosophy

Ok, I can't sleep, I need something to do, and I've just been thinking about this for a while today so I thought I'd rant about it to get it out of my system. Music. I LOVE it. I think, though, if you ask anyone in the entire world they will the same thing. Because you're not asking about a particular style or artist, just do you like music? How many types of music are even out there in the world? Too many to count, there's no way that anyone could say that they hate every and all music, it's practically impossible.

Anyway, back to the point, why do we like the music we like? I've been trying to figure this out, I can't really say for sure though, not even for myself really. Ok, I'm from NJ and I have this friend who has also lived in NJ all her life yet she's a huge country music fan (I mean, it's not all she listens to but it's a big portion of her music total). I have another friend, who's a teenager, but does not like any modern music like in the least, he's a classical fan. Me? A mix of like rock/pop/alternative/punk. I have a hard time defining the music I'm into. PAIN basically, if the artist has a lot of PAIN and writes really honestly I can dig it.........I think...........

See, now there are different reasons I like certain artists, as far as I can analyze it that is. There are the bands/artists who I, basically, enjoy for the beats of their songs (IE: The Fray, Lifehouse, Blink 182, Box Car Racer, Ryan Cabrera, Kelly Clarkson, so on and so on....). Now I love these guys a lot but it's different than the others that I like. I mean they each have their songs that especially reach out to me in terms of lyrics: TF: You Found Me and Over My Head, LH: Broken and Disarray, B182: Adam's Song, Stockholm Syndrome, Here's You Letter, and a few others, BCR: I Feel So and Letters to God, RC: In Between Lights, KC: Judas; but those are about it from each. Now, don't get me wrong, I really enjoy a ton of their other songs, but more on a 'this has a great sound' rather than 'those words really speak to me'. I have other bands for that......

Now, this is why I started thinking about this, I have my 2 ABSOLUTE FAVORITE 99.99999% POSITIVE WILL NEVER DIE bands. These are #2: Angels & Airwaves #1: The Goo Goo Dolls. Here's why I began contemplating this music thing: WHY ARE BOTH OF THESE BANDS MY FAVORITES????!!!!! They really are VERY VERY VERY contrasting. I was trying to figure out how this works out in my life and here's what I came up with.

First of all, Goo. GOO ROCKS, HARD! Now, I'm not going to lie, I'm a giganto obzezzive, truthfully I've really only gotten into Robby songs lately due to talking with other fans, but John is still ahead. I know why I like John (besides voice wise) so much though, it's those lyrics. Talk about a PAIN. John's lyrics bring back to mind that time in my life I hate and regret so much. That's why I love it, I can really feel myself and relate to the words even though I know and understand he's talking about different things, the same feelings are still there. That's why people irk me when they're really focused on why someone wrote a song. Yes, that is a part of it's beauty and it's important in it's own way, but it's not everything. Give yourselves some credit people, what does the song mean to you? In the long run what does it matter, in your own life, why someone else wrote the song? Words aren't absolute....what it meant to the composer and what you hear in the words and music can be two very different things. You're not the composer of the songs you listen to and so you haven't been through the same things they have but the words can still be very meaningful to you. Hard core example: Black Balloon. John wrote that about a friend he lost to a drug addiction.....that's a very sad and powerful thing and I feel for him, but it ain't the reason I love it so much. I've never had, really, anyone close to me die for any reason whatsoever, I know, I'm lucky, yet that piece still speaks volumes to me. I can't really describe it though, with a lot of his others it's plainly obvious but BB it's discreet. There's just something about it.......I FEEL it. So basically, all I really wanted to say here is that Goo brings back my past in a big way and helps me get my emotions out.

Then, there's AVA. If I was to compare them to Goo in any way, shape or form (which is pretty damn hard to do) I'd have to go with Let Love In. Yes, that's right, LLI, the album that basically any hardcore goober hates because it doesn't have the darker painful lyrics of the previous eras. I particularly happen to like LLI, it's not my fav but it's up there, but that's just me being the new odd-goo-ball that I am. Anyway, what I mean is that AVA has a more positive, happier, upbeat sound the way LLI Goo does. I mean even the one song I was expecting to be all hate filled when I first started listening to the lyrics, Rite of Spring, turns around in the chorus to this happy message! I was really surprised. Now, if you haven't noticed by now, withing myself I'm not that much of a happy person. So why do they mean so much to me? Yet, I know it's more than just the beat of the songs, it's a big part, but they wouldn't be my #2 band by 1/10th of a degree just on melody. There's something in the lyrics, and really I'm still trying to figure it out. The only thing I can think is that they give me hope....hope I really need right now. Do they make me think of my past, kinda but not really. They make me think ahead....maybe I can be happy even I've been through hell....maybe there is someone out there for me.....maybe I will end up being happy with what I do in life. I'm still not certain of these things, and the unknowns still taunt and torture me at night from time to time but AVA helps. I still can't agree with the Rite of Spring line, "If I had a chance for another try/I wouldn't change a thing/It's made me all who I am inside" I'd take back that stupid thing that happened in freshman year of high school, that was of no use to my life, in a freakin' heartbeat, yet I still love it. Like I said, I think it's the hope aspect of it. If Tom's been through all that he has and can still feel like that, maybe I can too one day. Maybe I can find my path and my soul mate and be happy forever and ever. Maybe.......KEEP MY HOPE ALIVE TOM AND AVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The subject just intrigued me.

Anaface - Facial Beauty Analysis - Score Your Face

Anaface - Facial Beauty Analysis - Score Your Face

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