Anaface - Facial Beauty Analysis - Score Your Face
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Sunday, May 31, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Rite of Spring
Yeah, that's right, a song started this rave. For those of you who aren't Angels & Airwaves followers:
"I was locked all day, in the summer heat.
In a small brown house, in suburban street.
With a skateboard and my shit guitar
I’d dream all day that they would get me far
My dad would ask me about my grades
The asshole sports that I never played
And then I’d ask about the girls he’d date
Behind our backs when mom would stay up late
And it was near when I turned 16
Got kicked out of school and so it seemed
That things were closing in and ready to blow
My dad moved out about that year or so
It took an hour to start a punk rock band
To offset my fucked up family land
And as I held my mom would start to cry
I swore ourselves a better life
If I had a chance for another try, I wouldn't change a thing,
It’s made me all of who I am inside.
And if I could thank god, that I am here and that I am alive.
And everyday I wake, and tell myself a little harmless lie,
The whole wide world is mine.
The summers gone, the years have past
My friends have changed, a few did last.
The smallest dreams got pushed aside
For the largest ones that changed my life
And all I wish for has come to pass
From rock n roll to love and cash
It’s all success if its what you need
Do what you like and do it honestly
If I had a chance for another try, I wouldn't change a thing,
It’s made me all of who I am inside.
And if I could thank god, that I am here and that I am alive.
And everyday I wake, and tell myself a little harmless lie,
The whole wide world is mine.
If I had a chance for another try, I wouldn't change a thing,
It’s made me all of who I am inside.
And if I could thank god, that I am here and that I am alive.
And everyday I wake, and tell myself a little harmless lie,
The whole wide world is mine. "
I've become a hardcore A&A fan ever since I found their video for "Everything's Magic" on youtube. This has to be one of my favorites but I hate that I love it so much. Well, I don't hate that I love it, I just feel like a hypocrite for loving it. First of all, I hear all the crap that Tom went through in his life and, as whenever I hear about someone who has a crappier life that I do, I HATE myself for feeling the way I do. Listen to how fucking positive he is. God. I'm such a mess.
Secondly, "If I had a chance for another try, I wouldn't change a thing/It's made me all who I am inside" I WISH WISH WISH I could say the same. If I could change my life I would do it in A FUCKING HEARTBEAT!!!!!! I agree, everything that happened then has made me what I am today, but what is that? I don't want to be like this, I want to actually enjoy life every once in a while. Why is this so hard???!!
Thirdly, "If I could thank God that I am here and that I am alive" I'm not even sure if I even believe in God. I believe there's something out there, some ultimate driving force, but I don't think it's the Roman Catholic God. Also, how many times to I wish for an end? At any cost. Thank God that I'm alive, hah. I've asked him to kill me often, he doesn't listen.
Then, "It's all success if it's what you need/Do what you like and do it honestly" I want that to be true. I hate not knowing about my future. For so long I was SO sure I wanted to be a zookeeper but for practically my entire life my mother did nothing but shoot it down. It's hard to keep trying for something that your getting nothing but negative feedback for. So now it's psychology, but is that what I want? Is that what I need? Is it honest? I have no idea. Then there are my dreams: author or musician/vocalist. The dreams you can't rely on. My heart screams for them but my head yells back, "SHUT UP!!" What do I do? Throw myself into my writing and/or music and wait for it to pay off. Who says either ever would? Am I just supposed to starve myself until it does? Am I a strong enough person to live that life? I have no idea what I want or what is the right thing to do. I look to my future and just see...nothing.
I rambling. This is pure stream of consciousness, it probably makes no sense but I'm doing it either way. This hasn't happened in a while. I've had little tear come out every now and then but this bawling hasn't occurred since about Easter break. I've felt like this ever since, I've just had it more under control. I went on birth control to stop this, it hasn't worked, and so it's just another pill I have to take everyday of my fucking life, only this one has no purpose. I told my mother how I felt and that I wanted to see a psychologist again back in April and I still won't have seen one until Wednesday. Even then, it's every other week until the summer and I don't know if that's going to work.
I used to believe in love, I don't anymore. I haven't known anyone who hasn't had love cause nothing but problems for them, or if they don't ave problems is not real true love; they're just together because they feel they have to even if they can't stand each other. That sucks because I want it so much and I just don't believe that it exists anymore. I'm absolutely alone and I always will be. I mean yeah, right now I have Colleen and I love her and need her so much but she's only with me so much and I really doubt that we can stay together after high school. I know we'll try but if we go to different colleges, take different careers, how can we not go our separate ways. I'm so fucking terrified for that because once she's gone I know I'll REALLY be absolutely alone again and I can't bear that.
If God does exist I don't understand him. I don't understand the Roman Catholic beliefs either. They're so contradicting. They say God loves and forgives everyone. Well, if He loves everyone so much why did he flood the world? If he is so capable of forgiveness why does Hell even exist? I don't understand why he'd put people on earth either. I mean, it would be one thing if people actually enjoyed life but it's extremely rare to find someone who's really truly happy. I guess these are just my opinions but this is really how I view the world. People are constantly thrust with loss, pain, and discomfort it just always seems like the bad outweighs the good. Are we a joke to him? What did he think, "Let me create people so they can suffer and destroy and I can sit back and laugh at their calamity." If God does exist I personally have some spite against him.
What would people, not anyone really close to me just people in general, think of me if they ever read any of this? I know, they'd either try to send me into a mental institution or take pity on me. I hate that, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I want them to just listen and try to help, or just try to understand. But that can't happen. No one can understand. They're not me and they never will be. That's why I'm alone and always will be.
"I was locked all day, in the summer heat.
In a small brown house, in suburban street.
With a skateboard and my shit guitar
I’d dream all day that they would get me far
My dad would ask me about my grades
The asshole sports that I never played
And then I’d ask about the girls he’d date
Behind our backs when mom would stay up late
And it was near when I turned 16
Got kicked out of school and so it seemed
That things were closing in and ready to blow
My dad moved out about that year or so
It took an hour to start a punk rock band
To offset my fucked up family land
And as I held my mom would start to cry
I swore ourselves a better life
If I had a chance for another try, I wouldn't change a thing,
It’s made me all of who I am inside.
And if I could thank god, that I am here and that I am alive.
And everyday I wake, and tell myself a little harmless lie,
The whole wide world is mine.
The summers gone, the years have past
My friends have changed, a few did last.
The smallest dreams got pushed aside
For the largest ones that changed my life
And all I wish for has come to pass
From rock n roll to love and cash
It’s all success if its what you need
Do what you like and do it honestly
If I had a chance for another try, I wouldn't change a thing,
It’s made me all of who I am inside.
And if I could thank god, that I am here and that I am alive.
And everyday I wake, and tell myself a little harmless lie,
The whole wide world is mine.
If I had a chance for another try, I wouldn't change a thing,
It’s made me all of who I am inside.
And if I could thank god, that I am here and that I am alive.
And everyday I wake, and tell myself a little harmless lie,
The whole wide world is mine. "
I've become a hardcore A&A fan ever since I found their video for "Everything's Magic" on youtube. This has to be one of my favorites but I hate that I love it so much. Well, I don't hate that I love it, I just feel like a hypocrite for loving it. First of all, I hear all the crap that Tom went through in his life and, as whenever I hear about someone who has a crappier life that I do, I HATE myself for feeling the way I do. Listen to how fucking positive he is. God. I'm such a mess.
Secondly, "If I had a chance for another try, I wouldn't change a thing/It's made me all who I am inside" I WISH WISH WISH I could say the same. If I could change my life I would do it in A FUCKING HEARTBEAT!!!!!! I agree, everything that happened then has made me what I am today, but what is that? I don't want to be like this, I want to actually enjoy life every once in a while. Why is this so hard???!!
Thirdly, "If I could thank God that I am here and that I am alive" I'm not even sure if I even believe in God. I believe there's something out there, some ultimate driving force, but I don't think it's the Roman Catholic God. Also, how many times to I wish for an end? At any cost. Thank God that I'm alive, hah. I've asked him to kill me often, he doesn't listen.
Then, "It's all success if it's what you need/Do what you like and do it honestly" I want that to be true. I hate not knowing about my future. For so long I was SO sure I wanted to be a zookeeper but for practically my entire life my mother did nothing but shoot it down. It's hard to keep trying for something that your getting nothing but negative feedback for. So now it's psychology, but is that what I want? Is that what I need? Is it honest? I have no idea. Then there are my dreams: author or musician/vocalist. The dreams you can't rely on. My heart screams for them but my head yells back, "SHUT UP!!" What do I do? Throw myself into my writing and/or music and wait for it to pay off. Who says either ever would? Am I just supposed to starve myself until it does? Am I a strong enough person to live that life? I have no idea what I want or what is the right thing to do. I look to my future and just see...nothing.
I rambling. This is pure stream of consciousness, it probably makes no sense but I'm doing it either way. This hasn't happened in a while. I've had little tear come out every now and then but this bawling hasn't occurred since about Easter break. I've felt like this ever since, I've just had it more under control. I went on birth control to stop this, it hasn't worked, and so it's just another pill I have to take everyday of my fucking life, only this one has no purpose. I told my mother how I felt and that I wanted to see a psychologist again back in April and I still won't have seen one until Wednesday. Even then, it's every other week until the summer and I don't know if that's going to work.
I used to believe in love, I don't anymore. I haven't known anyone who hasn't had love cause nothing but problems for them, or if they don't ave problems is not real true love; they're just together because they feel they have to even if they can't stand each other. That sucks because I want it so much and I just don't believe that it exists anymore. I'm absolutely alone and I always will be. I mean yeah, right now I have Colleen and I love her and need her so much but she's only with me so much and I really doubt that we can stay together after high school. I know we'll try but if we go to different colleges, take different careers, how can we not go our separate ways. I'm so fucking terrified for that because once she's gone I know I'll REALLY be absolutely alone again and I can't bear that.
If God does exist I don't understand him. I don't understand the Roman Catholic beliefs either. They're so contradicting. They say God loves and forgives everyone. Well, if He loves everyone so much why did he flood the world? If he is so capable of forgiveness why does Hell even exist? I don't understand why he'd put people on earth either. I mean, it would be one thing if people actually enjoyed life but it's extremely rare to find someone who's really truly happy. I guess these are just my opinions but this is really how I view the world. People are constantly thrust with loss, pain, and discomfort it just always seems like the bad outweighs the good. Are we a joke to him? What did he think, "Let me create people so they can suffer and destroy and I can sit back and laugh at their calamity." If God does exist I personally have some spite against him.
What would people, not anyone really close to me just people in general, think of me if they ever read any of this? I know, they'd either try to send me into a mental institution or take pity on me. I hate that, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I want them to just listen and try to help, or just try to understand. But that can't happen. No one can understand. They're not me and they never will be. That's why I'm alone and always will be.
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