Thursday, June 25, 2009

Suffering...

I stayed up last night until 2AM crying my eyes out. Now today, I'm exhausted, mostly numb, and close to a breaking point. I just have one question I've been asking myself for a little while today...

What happens to you when you start to suffer in silecnce to spare everyone else?

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Musical Philosophy

Ok, I can't sleep, I need something to do, and I've just been thinking about this for a while today so I thought I'd rant about it to get it out of my system. Music. I LOVE it. I think, though, if you ask anyone in the entire world they will the same thing. Because you're not asking about a particular style or artist, just do you like music? How many types of music are even out there in the world? Too many to count, there's no way that anyone could say that they hate every and all music, it's practically impossible.

Anyway, back to the point, why do we like the music we like? I've been trying to figure this out, I can't really say for sure though, not even for myself really. Ok, I'm from NJ and I have this friend who has also lived in NJ all her life yet she's a huge country music fan (I mean, it's not all she listens to but it's a big portion of her music total). I have another friend, who's a teenager, but does not like any modern music like in the least, he's a classical fan. Me? A mix of like rock/pop/alternative/punk. I have a hard time defining the music I'm into. PAIN basically, if the artist has a lot of PAIN and writes really honestly I can dig it.........I think...........

See, now there are different reasons I like certain artists, as far as I can analyze it that is. There are the bands/artists who I, basically, enjoy for the beats of their songs (IE: The Fray, Lifehouse, Blink 182, Box Car Racer, Ryan Cabrera, Kelly Clarkson, so on and so on....). Now I love these guys a lot but it's different than the others that I like. I mean they each have their songs that especially reach out to me in terms of lyrics: TF: You Found Me and Over My Head, LH: Broken and Disarray, B182: Adam's Song, Stockholm Syndrome, Here's You Letter, and a few others, BCR: I Feel So and Letters to God, RC: In Between Lights, KC: Judas; but those are about it from each. Now, don't get me wrong, I really enjoy a ton of their other songs, but more on a 'this has a great sound' rather than 'those words really speak to me'. I have other bands for that......

Now, this is why I started thinking about this, I have my 2 ABSOLUTE FAVORITE 99.99999% POSITIVE WILL NEVER DIE bands. These are #2: Angels & Airwaves #1: The Goo Goo Dolls. Here's why I began contemplating this music thing: WHY ARE BOTH OF THESE BANDS MY FAVORITES????!!!!! They really are VERY VERY VERY contrasting. I was trying to figure out how this works out in my life and here's what I came up with.

First of all, Goo. GOO ROCKS, HARD! Now, I'm not going to lie, I'm a giganto obzezzive, truthfully I've really only gotten into Robby songs lately due to talking with other fans, but John is still ahead. I know why I like John (besides voice wise) so much though, it's those lyrics. Talk about a PAIN. John's lyrics bring back to mind that time in my life I hate and regret so much. That's why I love it, I can really feel myself and relate to the words even though I know and understand he's talking about different things, the same feelings are still there. That's why people irk me when they're really focused on why someone wrote a song. Yes, that is a part of it's beauty and it's important in it's own way, but it's not everything. Give yourselves some credit people, what does the song mean to you? In the long run what does it matter, in your own life, why someone else wrote the song? Words aren't absolute....what it meant to the composer and what you hear in the words and music can be two very different things. You're not the composer of the songs you listen to and so you haven't been through the same things they have but the words can still be very meaningful to you. Hard core example: Black Balloon. John wrote that about a friend he lost to a drug addiction.....that's a very sad and powerful thing and I feel for him, but it ain't the reason I love it so much. I've never had, really, anyone close to me die for any reason whatsoever, I know, I'm lucky, yet that piece still speaks volumes to me. I can't really describe it though, with a lot of his others it's plainly obvious but BB it's discreet. There's just something about it.......I FEEL it. So basically, all I really wanted to say here is that Goo brings back my past in a big way and helps me get my emotions out.

Then, there's AVA. If I was to compare them to Goo in any way, shape or form (which is pretty damn hard to do) I'd have to go with Let Love In. Yes, that's right, LLI, the album that basically any hardcore goober hates because it doesn't have the darker painful lyrics of the previous eras. I particularly happen to like LLI, it's not my fav but it's up there, but that's just me being the new odd-goo-ball that I am. Anyway, what I mean is that AVA has a more positive, happier, upbeat sound the way LLI Goo does. I mean even the one song I was expecting to be all hate filled when I first started listening to the lyrics, Rite of Spring, turns around in the chorus to this happy message! I was really surprised. Now, if you haven't noticed by now, withing myself I'm not that much of a happy person. So why do they mean so much to me? Yet, I know it's more than just the beat of the songs, it's a big part, but they wouldn't be my #2 band by 1/10th of a degree just on melody. There's something in the lyrics, and really I'm still trying to figure it out. The only thing I can think is that they give me hope....hope I really need right now. Do they make me think of my past, kinda but not really. They make me think ahead....maybe I can be happy even I've been through hell....maybe there is someone out there for me.....maybe I will end up being happy with what I do in life. I'm still not certain of these things, and the unknowns still taunt and torture me at night from time to time but AVA helps. I still can't agree with the Rite of Spring line, "If I had a chance for another try/I wouldn't change a thing/It's made me all who I am inside" I'd take back that stupid thing that happened in freshman year of high school, that was of no use to my life, in a freakin' heartbeat, yet I still love it. Like I said, I think it's the hope aspect of it. If Tom's been through all that he has and can still feel like that, maybe I can too one day. Maybe I can find my path and my soul mate and be happy forever and ever. Maybe.......KEEP MY HOPE ALIVE TOM AND AVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The subject just intrigued me.