Today was an ok day. We did something which prevented the depressing thoughts, but it wasn't exactly a great time. First of all, my dog annoyed me today when I was trying to record a song to my mp3 player and she started barking in the middle of the song, twice! I had to do it 3 times before I got it good. Secondly, we didn't go out until 6:30 so I was forced to go through the meaningless computer, music, TV, guitar (I can't even bring myself to write anymore of my fiction stuff yet) routine and I almost got overwhelmed, but luckily I was able to break it up between them all enough so that I avoided that. Then my mom and I went over to my grandparents' house to play cards with them and my aunt. Thought it was going to be good, but not so much.
We were having fun playing, talking, and laughing and then my mom got snippy. We were playing four handed Pinochle and I was parterned with my aunt and my mom was with my grandfather (my grandmother decided to sit out). My aunt and I needed to make my mom and my grandfather go up in order to stay in the game so we were making little jokes as my mom was dealing like, "even if you have something don't bid" "we're gonna put you up". We always do things like this and its never out of meaness or spite, just a little humor. Well niether my aunt nor I had anything worth anything in our hands so we passed and then my mother and grandfather went up. We were happy, it meant they didn't beat us. Then we won the next hand by a lot and my mom was really mad at me for making those jokes before. She said I was a sore winner and that me and my aunt were playing like cut throats. We repeatedly told her that we had nothing in our hands to bid with and hardly had any meld together but she still insisted on the two things she said before.
I was getting out of my depression for the day, but that certainly ruined it. She made me so mad because she was acting like a complete child. We were just joking and she acted like it was the end of the world. I got really mad and hardly said anything the rest of the night. The only time I said anything was when I was directly spoken to and even then I gave an unemotional and curt answer. I really didn't care much about anything after that. Alright, maybe that was also a childish way to act but I really had no control over it. It's just this stupid state I'm in right now playing horrible emotional games on my mind, spirit, and body.
Well tomorrow I have stuff planned. Well, half of them are plans. First I have my stinkin' allergy shots at 1:15, at least I can listen to Goo which is the only that saves me for that 30 minutes, and then guitar at 3:30 which is always enjoyable. More Goo too, becaause he said he's gonna teach me Iris this week. He said we'd do it last week but he didn't have time to learn it so he promised me for this week. That will keep me occupied until 4:30 but I don't know what I'm going to do with myself after that, I predict a tearful evening.
Wednesday I'm heading into PA to check out colleges. I'm not really looking forward to the trip but at least it gets me out of the house and gets my mind on something else. We're really not going to do much there anyway, just drive around the campuses so it's probably not going to be too horrible. Though I do dread the long car ride.
Thursday I have friends coming over for a day of Goospeare! That I'm REALLY looking forward to. The rest of the break, I really have no idea what's going on. I'll most likely post something from here day to day either ranting about the horribly depressing my day was (most likely) or raving about how fantastic it was (probably only Goospeare), and no I don't think there is an in between. Sigh.
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