I'M A FUCKING IDIOT!!

I just put my best friend through hell today! She means so much to me and I put her through so much! All that talk of not putting my friends through my stupid troubles and I go and do this! What the fuck was I thinking?! I went through this with my brother, how the hell could I even tink of inflicting the same pain on her?! She's done nothing but good for me and this is the tahnks I give her?! I'm such a rotten, lousy, good-for-nothing asshole! I never wanted her to know about these things! I just wanted to keep the inner working of my fucked up mind to myself! I was only ever writing it here or anywhere else as a release! Why the hell would I go and do something like this?! What the fuck was I thinking?! I can't believe I did this to her! I'm such a jackass! I can't stop thinking about it! Oh Christ, what the hell am I doing??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!